Home > Are you an idiot? > Looking to Kill a Little Time With Something Offbeat? Click Here Stranger.

Looking to Kill a Little Time With Something Offbeat? Click Here Stranger.

WARNING: This post is intended to be a mildly-entertaining time waster and is not woodworking related. This is probably similar to the warning on irons that they get hot.

I’ve been fighting a cold lately (if whining about it constitutes fighting it). And while I have lacked the energy to get in the shop, I have summoned enough energy to surf the web and stumble across video of some interesting new technology (sorry, no dancing robots this time). And you should know that I did it mostly for you… I know, I’m kind of a hero (it’s a pretty low bar these days).

First up, how many times have you taken that certain TPS Report and wiped a certain part of your body with it? (rhetorical) Satisfying? Yes. A little disappointing in that the smooth paper results in more of a smear campaign? Yes.

Well, no longer does “office politics” have to be so messy thanks to an invention called the “White Goat”. Take a look at the machine that now allows you to take your boss’s printed-out emails and turn them into something that is actually useful, in one simple step!

Next up is a new safety device for bicyclers who prefer not to wear helmets (that’s me! If brain damage were permanent I would rethink it). It’s basically an air bag in a scarf that deploys when it senses imminent doom (I wish I had that in my blogging software for when I go to publish a post like this one). It also makes a bold fashion statement when deployed as seen in the picture below on the left (Definitely would work in the Spaceballs fashion line. Picture below, Right.).

The selling point for this new safety device is the videos of it in action. I might just like these videos because I like laughing at dummies making fools of themselves (e.g. Jersey Shore, US Congress, etc…).

There are three different collision tests in this video. My favorite is when he does a header over the handle bars at around the 3:30 mark. They get a little multi-angle, slo-mo replay drunk so you might want to use that slider bar to jump around.

I wonder if that scarf could be outfitted with sensors for dust or projectiles. We could then hit the shop without having to think about safety gear. Dust in the air? Boom! You’re wearing a dust mask. A piece of wood flying at your eyeball? Boom! You’re face is now covered with a shield. How about your significant other talking before being spoken to? Boom! Gagged. (probably multiple triggers for Boom! Gagged). The practical possibilities are endless.

Lastly is something that every little boy that has ever fried an ant with magnifying glass would love to have, a homemade solar death ray machine (Dear Universe, I fried ants before I understood the notion of Karma… Ohhh, and while we are talking, can you make up your mind on Pluto. Is it a planet or not? You’re really screwing with our heads down here).

Here’s to hoping that the kid that created this machine doesn’t become interested in nuclear physics… you will understand once you see his particular “scientific method” in action.

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  1. February 3rd, 2011 at 08:20 | #1

    In my day you never wore no helmets. If you fell on your head, your head split open. Big deal. You and your friends laughed. Laughed while the blood came trickling out. And when you went crying to mommy with the blood leaking from your head she’d say, “Stop your crying. It’s not like yous was usin’ your head anyways.”

    Ah, yes… fond memories of my childhood without helmets. Although having helmet than could have spared me a lot of the problems I have as an adult.

    • February 3rd, 2011 at 17:26 | #2

      So true Alex… Until your comment I hadn’t even recalled that I did have a serious fall off a bike as a child. I was going down a steep hill and racing friends of mine. Took a hard turn right to go on a side street and that’s all I remembered (apparently the bike wasn’t down with the quick turn at the rate of speed we were traveling). Woke up to a crowd of freaked out adults around me and an ambulance siren in the background. See, if you do head trauma right you don’t even feel it and barely remember it.

  2. Dave K.
    February 3rd, 2011 at 10:57 | #3

    Aww, man- he didn’t film the part where he sneezed, and his hand jerked into the “death ray”! Okay, that might just be wishful thinking on my part. “Does anyone else smell bacon?”

    • February 3rd, 2011 at 17:36 | #4

      I’m with ya Dave. If he really wanted to sell the video he needed a burning man moment. Wondering if it would smell more like bacon or BBQ chicken??? Why am I salivating right now? That’s pretty sick.

  3. February 3rd, 2011 at 14:40 | #5

    His face would be road rash in the header scenario!! OUCH! I don’t worry about it, I’ve got lots of brain damage and it never affected

    • February 3rd, 2011 at 17:29 | #6

      Lol Vic. That’s what I was thinking with that header. Yeah the melon was protected. But given his nose and face would have been removed, small consolation.

  4. Ed
    February 4th, 2011 at 23:44 | #7

    That’s awesome. Now if only someone could find a way to take used toilet paper and turn it into office paper, the circle would be complete.

  5. Dave K.
    February 5th, 2011 at 10:35 | #8

    I can confirm that scorched human finger tastes a great deal like a Jimmy Dean sausage link. I’m not gonna tell you how I know this.

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