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A joint that was not intended to be knock-down

January 20th, 2010

I’m writing this post with one hand and on drugs (so… a pretty standard post). No, it’s not because of a woodworking accident, thankfully. And no, it’s not because I’m “multitasking” my other hand at the moment. The reason is that while I am fairly skilled at roller-hockey I was not so skilled one day recently and ended up shattering my wrist.

As you can see from my x-rays, I am now part machine. Let me hasten to add that parts of me are still human. Before you pure humans cast me from society, I ask you… If you prick me, do I not bleed? I’ll just go ahead and answer that… yes, yes I do bleed. So please do not prick me. That really was the point of all this. I just don’t want to get pricked going forward.

Some lessons learned in regards to having your wrist in a cast:

  • It’s OK to stick stuff down the cast to itch things… but do not, I repeat DO NOT, proceed to sniff that scratching object no matter how tempted you are. There’s never a happy ending to that story.
  • It feels natural to club things. I’ve accidentally whipped the cast around and clubbed doors, a plate of food, and my face (twice). In an unrelated event, I just ordered a baby seal off eBay.
  • You must get used to placing objects between your legs, using your thighs to secure them. I even peeled a banana this way… it felt ironic. I was fairly comfortable with this technique until I was in full squat with a 2 liter soda wedged all up in there… the soda was from a pizza delivery guy who I’m going to say needs new shocks on his car. One of those moments when there’s no where to go…. nowhere to hide.
  • Your groin is not the only place to stick things to handle/manipulate them…  Armpits, teeth, and other places will allow you to administer a python-like grip depending on the item at hand and your willingness to experiment. As Clint Eastwood said  as Sergeant Highway in Heartbreak Ridge “You adapt. You overcome. You improvise“. He also said “I’m mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea’s ass at 200 meters. ” other than the “tired” part, none of that really applies to me but it seems like a bad ass way to end this post.
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  1. Ed
    January 20th, 2010 at 08:32 | #1

    Did you skate over some ice?
    I hope you feel better soon.

  2. January 20th, 2010 at 09:12 | #2

    Hate to tell you this, but your surgeon accidentally left his pasta rake in your arm.

  3. January 20th, 2010 at 14:25 | #3

    Geez Charles,didn’t anyone ever tell you not to put wheels on your feet? Well, now i have. Hope it’s a speedy recovery.

  4. Tom
    January 20th, 2010 at 15:33 | #4

    Looks like the surgeon did a good job countersinking the screws.
    Those screws, according to my son’s ACL repair bill, cost about $600 each.
    Get well soon and pay attention to your physical therapist.

    • January 20th, 2010 at 18:43 | #5

      Thanks for the kind words Ed and Lars.

      Wow Tom, $600 per screw?? I had 11 so $6600 just for the screws…. I’m heading to the pawn shop right now.

  5. January 20th, 2010 at 18:39 | #6

    @The Village Carpenter
    LOL Kari… He did reek of garlic after the surgery, I should have picked up on that. Those stories of medical mistakes are so unsettling. I did take notice of some of the safeguards they did… he marked the arm to be operated on. While in the OR and under some sedation they asked me which arm are they were to operate on… I got a little upset and said “shouldn’t you already know!?!”… they of course laughed at me and explained that it was just for verification. Afterwords they also prescribed a course of antibiotics… I guess they do that instead of sanitizing things?

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