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They Call them "Fruits" and "Vegetables"

November 3rd, 2008

As a bachelor woodworker with a day-job, my diet generally consists of what you see in this pic of my freezer after food shopping:

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

I recently received some intel claiming that not all food naturally exists in cardboard boxes ready for microwaving. I was further told tales of things called “fruits” and “vegetables”. Long story short, you eat these “fruits” and “vegetables”and you magically become healthier… more energy, smarter, and a longer pen… err, wait I’m getting the claims of this better diet confused with other phallicies.

So, I figure what the heck my gullet has seen worse and decided to find a way to get these substances in to my body in a reasonable way. Hearing that the taste of this stuff is so off-putting I seek supository form. No dice. Googlin around reveals that blending this stuff up into goop form is a good way to sneak this junk into your system. Bingo!

After a run to the food store and acquiring these foods of mass nutrition I start sperimenting.

Day one test: banana, various frozen berries, and some orange sherbert.

Fruit Smoothie

Fruit Smoothie Before

Fruit Smoothie Blended

Fruit Smoothie Blended

Result: Does not taste completely horrible.

Day two test: banana, various frozen berries, spinach, and water.

Green Smoothie Pre-Blending

Green Smoothie PreBlending

"Green" smoothie blended

Blended "green" smoothie

Green smoothie PRIOR ingestion

"Green" smoothie PRIOR to ingestion

Result: Does taste completely horrible.

Some observations… my body seemed to reject this foreign material as observed by varying levels of cramping and increasing levels of methane output. Out of concern for our world I may have to suspend further experiments with these dangerous materials.

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  1. ed
    January 22nd, 2009 at 12:19 | #1

    “”Green” smoothie PRIOR to ingestion”

    Thanks for putting the caption on this photo.

    “increasing levels of methane output”….you crack me up.

  2. January 27th, 2009 at 02:50 | #2

    Yeah, that green smoothie has to fall on the very short list of foods that look better coming out than going in. I was also able to make these green smoothies even more distasteful by adding broccoli sprouts which further gave me the opportunity to verify that my gag reflex remains quite strong (please do not reply with prison jokes to this statement).

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